We can learn a lot from Matthew Perry’s memoir, “Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing.” Is it your story?

Matty, as his “friends” called him, leaves a message for all of us. This includes communities, governments, treatment organizations, and individuals.

I said it’s a sad tale. That’s an understatement. He just wanted to feel “different.” He didn’t want to die. He begged and prayed for help.

Did the system betray him? Is it malpractice by treatment providers? Is it moral failure? Alcohol? Addiction?

We need tighter controls; more governance is this field.

Using since the age of 14, he spent $9M on 15 rehab stints over about 29 years, and then, addiction killed him.

He spent more time in sober living. He claimed over 10,000 hours of AA meetings.

He wrote that he felt most treatment organizations were simply a money grab. He could afford the best like some of those mentioned in Newsweek’s top 350 treatment providers.

He does not speak well of them overall. “My own experience,” he wrote, “…led me to believe that most of these places are pieces of s***…” (Friend, Lovers, and The Big Terrible Thing, Flatiron Books, Matthew Perry, pp180-181.)

Talk about beliefs.

On my second reading of the book, I still cannot find proof that he ever changed his permission-granting beliefs about using alcohol and other drugs. They were in his system when he died.

There is no proof that anyone showed him how to identify and change his limiting, permission-granting addiction beliefs.

My opinion is that teaching belief change is the number one priority for providers. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Change work must be emphasized above all. Matty was not paying for reports and documents. He didn’t care about billing. “I didn’t want to die.” (p. 164, he tells us now, from the hereafter.

He just wanted to feel better. He wanted someone to help him
with his sadness to fill the holes of abandonment. He wanted to change.

Did standard treatment protocols get in the way of change work?

If nothing changes, nothing changes. We need to help people like Matthew Perry change. That starts with helping them change their CTC permission-granting addiction beliefs as Beck stated.

“Nothing had ever worked LONG TERM before,” he wrote, (P. 168.)

“There will be no long-term behavior changes unless you change core beliefs first,” according to Wanberg and Milkman. Albert Ellis showed us how with his ABC-DE Theory.

That’s what Belief Eye Movement Therapy, BEMT, is all about. The primary purpose of BEMT is to help people like Matthew to elicit, recognize and change unwanted, limiting, permission-granting beliefs that will kill them.

The primary goal is change work. Paperwork and billing will follow.

“Message me” if you want to learn how to do BEMT for you or your clients. We can do live staff trainings, Zoom, or any combination.

Last week I told you I had just received my copy of “Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing.” It’s Perry’s autobiography.

Matty, as his “friends” called him, died one year to the month after his book came out. He died of ketamine related causes among other physical issues.

It’s a sad tale of a sad person who is seeking belonging, validation, and happiness. He just wanted to feel “different.”

Is it also about betrayal? Is it malpractice? Or is it simply the cunning nature of alcohol and addiction?

At one time, Matty was a spokesperson for NADCP, the National Association of Drug Court Professionals. Then he suddenly disappeared.

Now they have Martin Sheen.

Matty, reported his first use of alcohol at age 14. He said that he spent $9M on 15 rehab stints over about 29 years up to and just prior to his death.

This is in addition to his sober living stints.

Nine million dollars for 15 rehabilitation attempts world-wide. Of course, he could afford the best and most expensive treatment providers like some of those mentioned in Newsweek’s top 350 treatment providers.

He does not speak well of them overall. If I understood him correctly, he had more respect for a good AA chapter and sponsor. You can read that for yourselves.

I’m on my second reading of the book. I cannot find any proof that he ever changed his permission-granting beliefs about it being okay to use.

I cannot find any proof that any of the $9M treatment organizations showed him how to change his limiting, permission-granting beliefs.

That’s a particular set of skills.

Knowledge of the stages of change and the 12 core functions of treatment are important for counselors and therapists to know. Especially the counseling part.

Yes. Report writing and billing are important. Documentation is needed.

Change work must be emphasized above all. Matty was not paying for reports and documents. He didn’t care about billing.

He just wanted to feel better. He wanted someone to help him with his sadness. He wanted to change. Did standard protocols get in the way of change work?

Help people change.

If nothing changes, nothing changes. We need to help people like Matthew Perry change. That starts with helping them change their permission-granting addiction beliefs as Beck stated.

“There will be no long-term behavior changes unless you change core beliefs first,” according to Wanberg and Milkman. Albert Ellis showed us how with his ABC-DE Theory.

That’s what Belief Eye Movement Therapy, BEMT, is all about. The primary purpose of BEMT is to help people like Matthew to elicit, recognize and change unwanted, limiting, permission-granting beliefs that will kill them.

The primary goal is change work. Paperwork and billing will follow.

“Message me” if you want to learn how to do BEMT for you or your clients. We can do live staff trainings, Zoom, or any combination.

My Matthew Perry book copy finally arrived today. I’m eager to get to it.

There has been a lot in the news about Matthew Perry’s death. Had he been clean as reported?

In today’s news an anonymous ‘friend’ said “he was never clean.”

But is this the point? Is that the big story? Is it burying the lede?

“Matty” as he was known to his friends, reported that he spent $9M on approximately 15 treatment attempts.

Some addiction educators tell us addicts will need 5-7 or more treatments before the person is successful. What is successful?

I think it’s a disservice to teach that. I also believe it’s a disservice to talk about relapse the relapse prevention the way it has been taught.

Why do I feel that way? I had an alcohol problem. I had one two-hour session, and I was done, quit, over it, whatever you want to say.

Coincidentally, I stopped smoking the same day. This has been 40 years ago, the 23rd of this month. No relapses.

I know a little bit about abstinence and Transcendence, the seventh stage of change.

So, you can see why I’m skeptical about the dogma that is taught in some schools. And, I do know that it is not all about me and my recovery. That people are different.

I do believe that what is possible for one person is possible for others. We learn mostly by observation and modeling.

My belief is that anyone can be taught how to stop quicker. As Miller and Rollnick say, “Beliefs of the counselor are as important as the beliefs of the clients.”

To paraphrase Albert Ellis, “Go then; and according to how thou hast believed, be it done unto you.”

If nothing changes, nothing changes. We know beliefs and emotions drive behavior. Change the beliefs and you change the emotions and behaviors.

Belief Eye Movement Therapy, BEMT, is available on Amazon.com

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays to all!

Saul Khan gave an excellent Ted Talk on how AI can enhance teaching and learning. I agree with his argument. Until that quality reaches your community, if you need help, contact me.

Here is his presentation:

To paraphrase Ellis, he said, “It’s not the event that determines consequences or behavior. It’s the beliefs about the event.” ABC-DE Theory.

Why do addiction professionals want to know about this?

“It is essential to recognize that true transformation involves more than just addressing substance abuse; it requires identifying and changing permission-granting Criminal Thinking and Conduct (CTC) beliefs associated with alcohol and other drugs.” OpenAI ChatGPT, Judith S. Beck, et al.

Beck says, “…Address these as soon as possible.”

Why? “There will be no long-term behavior changes unless you change core beliefs first,” according to Wanberg and Milkman.

Do you want to lower relapse and recidivism rates? Treatment organizations and drug courts could work together to accomplish these goals.

Do you think it’s a good idea to first change limiting, CTC permission-granting beliefs?

Do you want an effective go-to belief change intervention?

If I could show you a way to change permission-granting beliefs quickly and efficiently, would you be interested in seeing how it works?

When is now a good time to try Belief Eye Movement Therapy? BEMT.

Before you decide to participate in training, you might decide to read about how it works. Belief Eye Movement Therapy, by Stan Dokmanus, is $6.99 on Amazon.com.

Abusing alcohol and other drugs, AOD does not lead to health and wellness. It can kill you. So, people get treatment then they “go out again.”

Why do people relapse and recidivate? Is it euphoric recall? Is it criminogenic thinking? Or is it because of slippery people, places, and things?

That’s what they tell us. You know – “they.”

Who are “they?” They, are the college instructors, treatment providers, and counselors and therapists who continue to teach this for twenty to thirty years.

Do you know what they do not teach? They do not teach anyone how to change these R&R, permission-granting, criminal thinking and conduct beliefs involving alcohol and other drugs.

One counselor who took my NAADAC approved CEU class told me that he was always taught that you cannot change a core belief. I don’t know who taught him that.

We attended the same university and took the same psych classes from the same professors.

Nobody taught that to me. My belief is that you must change anti-social beliefs and values about anything as soon as possible in treatment.

Why? Because, as Wanberg and Milkman say, “There will be no long-term behavior changes unless you change core beliefs first.” Judith Beck goes a little further saying, “When it comes to addiction you must address the permission-granting beliefs as soon as possible.”

I’ve heard counselors in staffing ask the clinical supervisor “how do you change a belief?” She told them “That’s Stan’s area. Work with him.”

If you don’t have a belief change strategy or protocol, you might be interested in my book, Stan Dokmanus, “Belief Eye Movement Therapy.” It’s for sale on Amazon.com.

I designed Belief Eye Movement Therapy, BEMT, specifically for treatment for CTC and AOD. However, it’s useful for other things like trauma, depression, etc.

Spending $6.99 to get a CTC and AOD belief change strategy is a wise decision. It could give you a Nobel Prize winning idea.

If you do read it and decide you would like to learn more about how this applies to criminal justice and addictions counseling, you might take my NAADAC approved CEU class: https://lnkd.in/gR7ntCQK

Experts says, “There will be no long-term behavior changes unless you change core beliefs first.” Wanberg and Milkman.

Regarding addiction Beck states, “You must address permission-granting beliefs as soon as possible.”

Paraphrasing Albert Elliss, “It’s not the event that determines behavior. It’s the beliefs about the event. ABC-DE Theory.

How do your beliefs affect your potential for success?

This is why I developed Belief Eye Movement Therapy. To help people to elicit and change limiting beliefs that block them from desired outcomes.

You can get is free thumbnail sketch to see if you are interested on amazon.com. https://lnkd.in/guvHJv-J

The CBT map image is from Drug Court Treatment: The Verdict. Amazon.com

The power of beliefs is amazing. Last week, I included what I “believed” to be a link to my Udemy Course called Criminal Justice and Addictions Counseling. It is a thirty-four CEU NAADAC approved home study course, Provider #192679. I was wrong.

“My belief” was erroneous.

Regardless, I guarantee that you will find new ideas about how to do CBT with clients and patients if you check out the course. This course presents ideas about how to create change. How to change limiting beliefs and behaviors.

I apologize about my belief about the incorrect link. I’m going to try to post the Udemy link here today.
https://lnkd.in/gR7ntCQK

I may have learned something new to me. LinkedIn may not allow a Udemy link. I posted the link directly above. It will be interesting to see if it remains. If you don’t see it, you know why. And that’s – okay.

“Acceptance,” is the key.

How AI can help us.

It provides a vast research body of verifiable information. We must use due diligence.

If the information looks wonky, don’t use it. Correct it so it fits the context.

Provide attribution giving AI credit for being your source.

I’ve found it to be amazing time-saver.

Back to the link.

Was my belief irrational as the REBT of Albert Ellis say? Was it simply a limiting belief? Harmful to no one but me.

Why is having a belief change skill so important?

I have a criminal justice, drug court IOP background. The two major goals of drug courts are:
1. Reduce recidivism.
2. Reduce the cost of crime and treatment.

The CBT image map below, shows that beliefs are the first part of the CBT process. Ellis’ ABC-DE Theory explains how it works from the event to the behavior choice.

Why are beliefs important? Wanberg and Milkman: “There will be no long-term [CTC] behavior changes unless you change core beliefs first.”

To paraphrase Judith S. Beck (Cognitive Behavior Theory),”When it comes to addiction, you must address the permission-granting beliefs as soon as possible…”

If drug courts and treatment providers want to help reduce recidivism and the cost of crime, why not adopt a belief change protocol for each client?

My belief is any organization can improve care by including a specific belief change protocol for the program and specific to clients and their individual stages of change.

I’m available for individual or group training. These can be live or by Zoom.

Let’s face it. We all have limiting beliefs about something. Our identity, values, capabilities, behavior, Imposter Syndrome, etc. Add hopeless, helpless and worthless and you can see why depression and substance abuse are problems for so many.

Change the beliefs and you change the outcomes. That’s what Belief Eye Movement Therapy is all about.

Drug Court Treatment: The Verdict. Amazon.com

You might be looking for new skills to help yourself or others. You could find a few ideas in these books.

Amazon.com: Stan Dokmanus: books, biography, latest update

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