You, I and people in general sometimes seem overwhelmed or like we have met our end. There is an ebb and flow to life. It has its ups and downs. But we sometimes irrationally take it to mean the end, or failure.

Nobody is 100% successful at 100% of what they do 100% of the time. I lose track of this just like others do. Why? Maybe it’s the expectation of perfection all the time. But that just does not happen.

“Catch it, Check it, Change it” is good advice. When you have a troubling thought, catch it. Check it: what’s that about? That’s not empowering. Then change it to an empowering, positive thought.

So, learning to question our self-talk can help. It can help to learn effective re-framing techniques. It’s good to learn to not be so hard on ourselves. How we define success and failure is important.

Tiger Woods has an interesting philosophy. To paraphrase him, “You get out of it [life] what you put into it. If you don’t succeed or get a lot out of it you didn’t work hard enough. You don’t deserve it.”

Maybe he is being too hard on himself. We know that he has worked hard his whole life at his profession. He is having a difficult time now. But he has not quit. As of this update, 4/2/2020, he has recovered and won a Master’s Tournament.

Persistence and patience are important. But we must have S.M.A.R.T. Goals as well. Having been trained (the right education for your goal) is important. Then, one should have a fair chance or opportunity to succeed. Opportunity is important.

But without desire and the necessary drive none of these will work on their own. So it’s important to understand how we work so that we can improvise to adapt to ever changing (ups and downs) life situations.

You’re not broken states Recovery Theme #5. You simply need to learn how you function best. You can change your behavior to get better life outcomes.

This is about Recovery Theme Number Four. Why people use has been covered previously. As with all behavior we humans tend to move away from pain and toward pleasure.

That’s why we use alcohol and other drugs. We want to feel different (away) from how we feel to how we expect (toward) to feel. We probably want to feel better.

But if all we know to get out of this rut is alcohol or other drugs then that is the behavior choice we will make. Requisite (required) variety of choices can help people make better choices and changes. In this case, to change alcohol or other drug using behaviors.

Now, it’s time for a test. Looking at the behavior choice part of the map we can see that just prior to that are feelings and emotions. If we have more tools (requisite variety) for changing our feelings and emotions, then, we have a better chance to make the appropriate behavior choice: to remain abstinent. That’s what we are doing here. Creating more tools.

Just reading over this information is not good enough. It’s important that you understand the concepts. Now is the time to go back over these three ideas.

In a prior post you were introduced to the Cognitive Behavior Map. I mentioned before that the map should be mastered as well. Go back and study that to make sure you have an understanding.

Notice what you are noticing. How do Recovery Themes one, two and three relate to the map? What about self-talk? How we communicate with ourselves may be just as important as how we talk with others.

We tend to move toward pleasure and away from pain. The way we communicate with others can produce painful or pleasurable feelings and emotions for those people. For us too.

We’ve heard of toxic people. Some people may tend to be more negative than others. Do you tend to want to associate more often with negative or positive people?

It’s been said that we get what we think about. If we are always thinking negative we may always get negative outcomes. Limiting beliefs can lead to irrational thoughts, feelings, emotions and then – behavior.

Yes. This can have a cause and effect relationship with substance abuse. So you see: The meaning of our communication is so important because we get what we throw out there. It’s important to be careful how we talk with ourselves too.

There is only perception. People respond to their own map of reality and not reality itself.

We arrive at the here and now with all that has been imprinted and learned in our lives. So, what’s been imprinted? Fair question. The answer is all of our beliefs, values and attitudes about how it ‘really’ is. These become our reality.

How is this important to any of us? Here are a few examples.

Suppose we are observing a drug court client going through the process while we get to watch a split-screen of a drug court judge’s reaction to how the client is doing.

Based on the client’s map of reality it is okay to use alcohol and other drugs as well as to commit the crimes for which she/he has been charged. These crimes are by definition anti-social. But the client believes they are okay.

The judge on the other hand is thinking maybe this person does not get it. Maybe this client is just refusing to comply or change. Again, by definition, the judge is looking at the situation from a pro-social criminal justice point of view.

Between the two parties someone’s map of reality must change if the client is to be successful in the program and graduate. And – you can bet it is not the judge’s map that must change.

One of the judge’s in my area is known to tell the clients that “society is not going to change for you. It is you who must change your thinking and behavior (your map of reality).

The mother of the client may be saying “the reality is that the judge is not being fair with my girl.” The prosecutor’s map is saying that “the client needs to go to jail.” The public defender is saying “no, my client needs treatment, not jail. She needs to be free so she can work and support her family.” If this involved a burglary the victim is saying “she’s got to pay me back and then she can go to jail.”

We are talking about the same event (remember the map) but we can see that each party has a different perception or reality of what has been done and what needs to be done.

That is Recovery Theme #3 in a nutshell. There is no such thing as reality. People respond to their map of reality and not reality itself.

You must be ready to explore your reality or you would not be here.

The good news is…these maps can be changed. More on that to follow.