The meaning or quality of the communication is the response that you get. Communication is about getting the intended response from the listener. Is the recovery message clear? This is Recovery Theme number two.
Can the effectiveness of our communication with others affect our feelings and emotions. Think of a time in your experience when you were in a debate. Or, maybe a heated discussion with a significant other. Have you ever arrived at the point where you were frustrated? Or even angry.
I know I’ve experienced that. Maybe the more important the issue the more frustrated or angry one could become. Frustration is a feeling. Anger is an emotion.
As can be seen by the map in a previous post, it is feelings and emotions that precede behavior choices and outcomes. Does self-talk matter? By the way. It might be a good idea to master the map as we will visit it often.
Sometimes the things we say to ourselves are really cruel or insulting. You know: “You stupid whatever…” We’ve all done it at one time or another. And it does not have a good ending mostly. Only more feelings of anger. Perhaps hopeless, helpless or worthless are felt as a result.
If other people talked to us that way it could get ugly. We may not want them as friends.
So you see, the meaning of the communication is the response that you get. And yes, communication can affect feelings, emotions and behavior choices.
The Assertive Communication Model is a tool that will be of benefit. It could serve us well even with self-talk.
Imagine a significant other has said something cruel or done something that is not okay with you. It might even be a user friend who wants you to use with her. How should one respond? A simple example follows.
When I hear or experience ___________
I feel…(bad, less than, insulted, hurt, etc.)
I would prefer___________(something more desirable or acceptable).
If this can be worked out I will be more comfortable or it will be okay between us.
This is so simple. Four simple sentences that say it all. There is no finger pointing or accusing. You don’t even use the you word. One simply takes ownership of feelings (“I” statements) and states a preference that will lead to desired outcomes.
Now a question. Could you use the Assertive Communication Model to flip your script even with yourself? Sure you can. You can be more kind to yourself when things don’t work right now the way you wanted them to.